As I sit here reflecting on the past month, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for the even the confusion. I have seen and felt what complete rest in Him looks and feels like.
I have to admit that I was still unsettled when we got home three weeks ago. I kept asking God why He did it this way. Why did He have to make this seem like such a complicated, confusing, and scary journey. It wasn't until Christmas Eve while I was alone in the car driving, when He answered.
He shared this with my heart:
#1 - This isn't our journey. It is His.
#2 - It isn't just about us or an orphan, but about many. The more "ground we covered" because of all of our twists and turns, the more people affected.
He reminded me that He is in the business of saving lives. When He asked us to say "yes" He was asking us to be tools. He equipped us with everything we needed, when we needed it, and how we needed it even though it didn't always make sense to us.
God also affirmed that researching, planning and preparing are all good things. BUT, we had to get to the point where we allowed Him to trump those plans. Saying "yes" doesn't mean getting in the driver's seat. It means getting in the car when He pulls up and being willing to go where ever He goes.
I have shared how scared I was during our meeting where we had to quickly pick a child out. "How could I be certain that we were doing the 'right' thing?" When I think back to that moment, I begin to see that it didn't matter how we got there, we were EXACTLY where we were supposed to be. The end result was the right result, because God had already planned it. I didn't need to be afraid.
This is what trust looks, feels, and tastes like.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
I get it!